Dreams

----when i  was younger, i used to want to be a librarian. i  don't know where the idea of a librarian came from. but alas, i did not choose the path of a librarian. 

----i liked books, so i thought, hey, you could WRITE the books! so i then wanted to be a writer. genius!! pretty much all the signs were saying that i shouldn't pursue it, but i disregarded them, thinking that i could be really great! after all, i thought i could do it, and so i figured i would make it big! then i went to school. i did alright in english classes, but not as good as my friends. i thought my papers were well written, but they only received a B grade.. i knew that wouldn't cut it. so i kinda forgot about my dream to become a writer. (and now i just laugh about that. i can't even keep a blog, let alone write things! goodness, rae.. )

----but i longed to create things, and was taking piano lessons. my teacher said that i had a natural gift, or something. so i assumed that i was some sort of prodigy! then i wanted to be a concert pianist. i wanted to play in front of millions of people. even the queen- we would be wonderful friends. but when i realized that i would have to practice a bunch, i slaughtered that dream.. so an artist was next on my list. 

----i enjoyed drawing. but my sister was better, and everyone knew it. since no one ever recognized "my wonderful skill," i gave up. who needs to be an artist! not me. i would just draw on the side, and not have it as a career.  

----then, this wild idea came into my brain, i'v been told that i fall gracefully.. i know! i'll be a stunt double! What?! yeah. i practiced falling, tumbling, rolling around, everything. i got pretty good. for a 9 year old. I would hear my friends talking about what they wanted to be. doctor, orthodontist, baker, musician, all these "normal" jobs. 

----so i decided to change. architect! yep. i still had the burning desire to create! but i wanted to make buildings, and design structures. it was like an artist, but more.. professional. yes, that's the word. professional. plus, i sounded awesome saying it. i wanted to be an architect for MANY years. until junior high. when i realized that 1. i didn't like math enough, and 2. girls don't usually do that kinda stuff.. stupid sexist comments. 

----but i thought about psychology, and that's what i'm going for! still. i've never wanted to be a counselor, but i would much rather do research and work on people's brains. not so much a neurosurgeon, but a neuropsychologist. and i really hope that doesn't change, even though it's going to be tough. it'll take a lot of years, money, and patience. let's hope i can do it! if not, i think i would settle for a family. 

----sometimes we need more than a desire to do something, but finding the motivation is.. almost impossible for me. all i know is:

well done is so much better than well said.

and i plan on getting a gold star after all of this schooling is done!

-raela

fate, destiny, and miracles.

>> i believe in fate and destiny. and especially in miracles. <<
 
>> i am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. whether it be good, bad, happy, unexpected, etc, it happen for a reason. i know that God has everything under control, and if we just put our faith in Him and trust His perfect judgement and timing, then everything will work out in the best, most desirable way possible.
so if things are going tough, be grateful that God loves you enough to let you have this trial. if He didn't love you, your life would be absolutely perfect, and boring. there would be no progression without a hard time here and there.
>> trials are just a manifestation of God's love. i know that for a fact. even though they are hard, you aren't alone, and you will be so much stronger afterwards. especially if you ask God for help and comfort.

NOTHING IS TOO HARD. GOD KNOWS THAT AND HE IS REFINING YOU TO PERFECTION.

>> i think we all have a place that God wants us to be. the reason you are where you are is because that is where you are supposed to be. you will meet people, learn things about yourself, or gain a new perspective from where you are. even if you happen to be in a rut.
>> although we have free agency, i think that God knows us so perfectly that no matter what we choose to do, it can help us. some choices might be beneficial immediately, and others may lead to trials that will benefit you in the future. either way, you'll get something out of your choice.

>> miracles. i know you will see miracles if you are doing what you need to be doing. when you start seeing other people as God's children, you will see miracles. they may not be HUGE miracles, but they don't have to be. i see miracles all the time. i hear about miracles. life is a miracle. with all the complications out there, the fact that we are alive and healthy is a miracle. sometimes, i feel that it is a miracle that i passed a test.

>> i think miracles are a reminder of God's infinite love for me. and for you. the closer we are to God's will, the more miracles we can witness. how wonderful! :)

>> i don't know if any of this makes sense. i am just letting my brain talk for a minute. way too much information processing up there right now. i guess i'll step down from my soapbox.

>> feel free to add anything to this. it could very well be incomplete. <<

raela

::: oh [boy] oh [boy] oh [boy] :::

they say that when you fall, 

you should pick yourself up and keep going.

but i fell for you, 

and don't wanna get up

-Raela-

oh man.

you know your blog is crappy when you lose a follower.
oh darn.

to my loyaler followers (myself included) any suggestions to spice up my blog world? this would be much appreciated. :)

it's raining in cedar city

how appropriate.
let's hope there isn't a flash flood or anything.

i've been lacking in title creativity lately, but my battery is running low. well. this will have to do.

       These days, there is so much technology. STYX said it best in 1983, with their song, Mr. Roboto. "the problem's plain to see, too much technology.." 1983. they thought they had too much technology. ha! that was almost 30 years ago. my my my how times have changed. (not that i was alive then) :)

i think there should be a lot more deep thought and meditation, but there is never any time because iTunes is always on, out phones are kept right by our sides, and it is very hard to actually escape from all of this technology stuff.

knitting a nice scarf. duh

--> The other day, I was walking home from school. I had my iPod in, and then remembered that we talked about listening to the spirit in institute. I figured that i would turn my iPod off and just listen to the world around me as i walked home. holy cow. it was just what i needed. I could still hear the cars flying past me, but i could also hear the birds, and my own footsteps. and my thoughts. I COULD HEAR MYSELF THINK! it was very nice. it made me happy. i love the world.

Honestly, I wish i lived 50 years ago. life was so simple. no email, no texting, no Internet! They could just sit on the porch without having to worry about their phone or computer. that would be the life. And with all of this technology, and with it becoming more advanced, it will be difficult to just sit on my porch with my hubby when i am 80, talking and listening to the sound of nature.. but i'll do it.

well. that's my thoughts for today. have a good one, enjoy the picture of a grandma knitting. 

-raela 

You can read this one for free

I went to the dentist yesterday. Sitting in the chair, I realized a lot of things. Feel free to bask in my knowledge. Which could possibly only be true with my dentist. Not sure how yours is..

- they play music for you in the dentst's chair so you don't only hear them scraping at your teeth.
- they wear those masks for many reasons.
         -one, they don't want you looking at their teeth
             -two, they don't want to smell your breath
                 -three, they're super stylish
                     -four, they probably have to. regulations must be kept!
- they like to start their conversations as they start working on your teeth, so all you can say is mmhmmmm. That could be fun for them.
- the older the lady, the more brutal she is. No one likes getting Teresa. Sorry, truth hurts sometimes.
- they give you sunglasses to wear so you don't make awkward eye contact with them. (I used to to think they were looking at me- no, they are looking at my teeth, and that's all.) And I guess they're being nice so you don't have to look at the light...
- you only get a prize if you're under ten, UNLESS you specifically ask for one. Tempting.
- i would not want to be looking at people's teeth all day.
- when you leave, you smell like the dentist all day long.

and that's about it.
love Rae.

Bad news tuesday :(

Rachel's Brain Thoughts.

sometimes i feel like this.

Lately I've been a slacker. Hugely. I haven't been feeling top notch, and i'm getting so sick of it. I am going to the doctor's in half an hour, and i'm terrified. I hate the doctor's office, especially getting my blood drawn, which always has to happen because i am anemic. not cool. But if it will help me to feel better, i can't wait. I am so sick of getting exhausted from walking up the stairs or standing too long. My siblings tease me about it, I really don't think they know how crappy it makes me feel. It just makes me want to move out even more. I love my family to death, but this is the first time that i have even gotten kinda sick of them, and it makes me feel so bad. I wish i didn't feel this way. To ramble on more, I was going to move out on the 16th, but I checked with my apartment managers, and i can't move in until the 20th. that's 2 days before school starts. Again, Not cool. AND to top things off, my tuition is due by friday and my card isn't letting me pay it off.. kinda scary. that's my life right now.
I guess life throws you curve balls though, and we're supposed to get by with a happy attitude, so i'm done moping around. sorry kids, this pity party has officially ended. Life is good. :) have a nice day. 

thinking out loud.

i feel like i should write on my blog since it's been quite some time. 

i can't really say i've been too busy to write, because i definitely haven't been

i shouldn't say i have nothing awesome to write about, because i do.

               actually i have a lot of awesome things to write about.. i JUST DON'T WANT TO WRITE! not here.

i guess i'm just lethargic. which is ok by me.. sadly. 

i would go play with Riss... haha tried that earlier and we just sat in her room making up awkward music videos.. i enjoyed it, but.. right now i just want to color in my giant coloring book.

it's super cute. it has a bunny on it. and there's one with princesses. I love how my mom randomly gets me kid stuff, it makes me feel young... i AM still young, so that's a good thing. ugh. 20. i am going to be 20. i remember when i turned 16. i felt old then. i guess the older you are, the older "old" gets. my aunt told me that one time. so true. i could be doing a whole bunch of things right now. i should write in my journal, since i'm behind. i could go help with dinner. i am just wasting my time on the computer, just because it is in front of me. how pathetic. one day, i am going to realize what a boring teenager i was. i should go rebel or something, ya know, make life interesting. 

nah. 

Random duck picture? check.

but i do what what i will do. i am going to get off this computer and do something awesome, so my grandkids won't think i was a lame kid. that's right. Grandkids. i'm doing this for you. thanks for the motivation. i owe ya one.

counting a blessing

as i blankly stared out the front windshield, i noticed tiny little bugs flying at high speed towards it. 

just imagine yourself flying along, minding your own business, perhaps on your way to your child's kindergarten graduation, and then, out of the blue, a strong, clear wall

- made up of two pieces of glass that are separated by a layer of polyvinyl butyrate- 

comes up and   BAM! you're dead. no more kindergarten graduation.

that is NOT how i want to die.

i am so very glad that i am not a bug. and that i am, in fact, a human. 

some bugs are cute.. just not when they are splattered on my windshield.

What's the last thing that goes through a bug's head as it hits the windshield?

-it's butt.

have a nice day.

imaginary friend

*****

Arthur was my favorite TV show. Still is. I love that aardvark.

I remember that i always wanted to be exactly like D.W., because we were so much alike.

We both had older brothers.

We both liked pink.

We both had imaginary friends.

Nadine was hers.

I wish i could recall mine..

Sad day.

D.W. always seemed to have much more fun with Nadine tho.

i just got laughed at.

reminds me of the time when i followed my own blog.

oh wait.

i still do.

i like to think of myself as my own best friend.

probably how i looked..

* golden kisses from the meadow

Helianthus annuus is what smart people call them. I just call them sunflowers.

meadows filled with sunflowers, searching for the light of the sun

blooming

making me happy

***

[i love life]

 ***

the simple things mean the most,

so

STOP and SMELL the roses.

often

***

look around

realize how wonderful the earth is.

because

it is.

mountains.

i don't realize how much i love them

until they are no longer in sight.

a blue sky is never fully appreciated until the storm comes.

green grass is the softest on a summer day

brown grass just isn't the same..

even though we shouldn't judge it based on color

***

oh how i love my family

i miss family dinner together.

laughing, smiling, eating

i miss family scriptures study.

making faces, telling stories, loving every minute of it.

...wasn't so fond of waking up at 7 for family prayer

until i finally didn't have to. 

can't wait to do that again. :)

 i love you all. i think about you everyday.

 HMMM..

 How about we stop taking simple things for granted?

deal.

Peace & Love 

i have a feeling that i will be writing on this page a lot. mainly because i get distracted really quickly, and this gives me a space to let my mind just think out loud. it's so nice to just type whatever comes to mind.
- what was i distracted from? i am supposed to write a paper for my spanish class. i have hit a wall, and i have nothing else coming to me. it's frustrating. but i know that i should get over my boredom and just do it. No, i don't think i will.. procrastination is actually my middle name. or at least it should be, because i am really good at it.. i think i will change it once i grow out of it. that would be smart. :)
.. ok, i think i will go. my conscience has just won the battle, and i think i should really focus. it also has something to do with the fact that i can't play with my buddy until after my paper is written.  
that is motivation in itself. get ready to be conquered, my spanish paper.
ciao for now! :)